I realized today that one reason this is so hard is that, like any mother of a newborn baby, I long to show everyone my son. When he was born I was simply in awe of how beautiful he was. I want to dress him in cute little outfits, wrap him in his soft baby blue blanket, and take him everywhere. I want to show off his perfect little fingers and toes, his tiny red lips , and his cute little button nose. I want you to feel his soft skin and be amazed at his head full of dark hair and perfectly formed ears. I keep looking at his pictures over and over again.
As you look at the pictures of our family, I hope you can see the joy we felt as we held him and stared at him, taking in every detail. You might think it would have been a time of great mourning and weeping, but instead my first thought was . . . "He is so beautiful!" Just like any mother, my love for him was extremely intense. I was so proud of him. I could hardly wait for his brothers, sister, and grandparents to meet him. And now, I wish all of you could have met him too. The fact that you can’t makes me sad.
On second thought, maybe I can have a baby shower in heaven where you can meet him . . . you are all invited. I hope to see you there!
3 comments:
Hey Kristie, Bill here (see, now I got started, I probably won't shut up). I showed Spencer's pictures for the first few weeks after they were developed (can you believe a professional photographer came in on Easter to take the shots, and when we asked who to make the check out, to he just smiled at us?). The were just perfect. I still look at them every once in a while. We have one always out in a frame in front of a plant that was purchased in his honor. That plant has been through a lot (we got a chocolate lab puppy shortly after the event), but is still going strong after 4+ years! The picture has not faded, and the frame has not a scratch. Again, a minor miracle in a house with three smallish kids and a puppy! But we look at the picture, we look at the plant, and we look at the frame, and that is the word that most sticks in my mind: miracle. He was one of our little miracles and we will see him again. Now, when this happened, we had long before given away our daughter's baby stuff, and had bought and received bunches of boy stuff. It really helped to find someone in need and give them the boy stuff. It added just a little more purpose to the whole thing. When you can stand to sort through the things, you might want to consider it. Though knowing you and Kent, you probably had this idea long before I did.
Kristi,
Maybe it's just that we talked recently and so the sound of your voice is fresh in my memory, but I can't begin to describe how vividly I can ACTUALLY hear you say those precious words "He is so beautiful" with the same awe that every mother has when she first sees and touches her baby. I will hold on to this memory when I get sad, and remember the peace that the Lord Jesus gave you at that moment!
Much Much Much love,
The Kepharts
A friend of mine told me about your blog a couple of months and I have been checking it occasionally ever since. My husband and I lost our son unexpectedly this past May and he was born at 37 weeks as a stillbirth. My heart goes out to you and your family as well as my prayers. Your son IS beautiful and I'm glad you were able to take so many wonderful pictures. Thank you for sharing.
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